January in Montreal can be notorious for its bone chilling frigid days. This January, however, was different. The weekend before was packed with activities. Some of my art prints were on display at this really cool and hip art store in the trendiest part of the city. I was getting a steady slew of online orders and my head and heart were abuzz with so many new ideas for my Etsy shop.
I had got new glasses, new clothes from my recent trip to the US and after a really creative holiday season, road trip to visit friends and a lovely New Years break, I was on a roll.
I was supposed to get my biopsy results for thyroid nodules this cold January morning. Everyone assured me that it was a common occurrence, that 90% ( a staggeringly positive statistic) of thyroid nodules are benign and I woke up feeling confident that i'd get good news. After all, there was no history of cancer in my family. My blood work and indicators were normal. Yes sir, the odds were definitely in my favour.
3 days ago, we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. I saved the champagne bottle to open tonight, when I came home with good news from the doctor, the celebrations postposed for just 3 days.
We dropped Tia off to school and I remember standing there at the school gate, wondering if things will be the same the next day. I put the niggling nervousness out of mind and after I showered and prepared for my day, I reached for my favourite lucky blue dress. I put on the pearl earrings my best friend Mayuri gave me for my 25th birthday, one which I have worn for every job interview, every life event and every successful and joyous event of my life. Dad called to wish me good luck. Brother called to say the same. Husband insisted on accompanying me as we hailed a cab on this not-so-severe cold January day, as we went straight to the doctors office.
We had waited 6 weeks for the results to come. Each previous appointment was pushed further and further back 3 times and I just wanted to know what it was. They heralded me into the room and husband gave my hand a squeeze as we waiting for the doctor to come in.
She came in with a file, not making eye contact but looking straight into the file. I was expecting a cheery hello but as soon as I saw her face, my heart kind of froze. She minced no words. Time stood still, I felt myself floating, looking at the room from above. At 9.55am on January 23rd 2017, cancer chose me.
The band was tightening around my chest. I felt a deep flush rising from my torso and making its way up my neck to my face. My hands trembled and all comprehensive thought left my mind. All I kept hearing was that I have cancer. I was hyperventilating and that's when i started to shake, trembling as if to get the dreaded disease out of my body, to shake my head and not acknowledge this part that no one can ever prepare for.
I just wanted to run out of that place, I was furious at my doctor, angry at the tissues she handed me, livid at everyone who told me it was it was going to be ok. I was devastated that I believed them. How could I have believed everyone when they said I'd be ok? I have no recollection of what she said to me after that. I knew I was supposed to ask questions but I drew a blank. I tried my best to hold it together to sign the consent form for the surgery with trembling hands and blurry vision and only when I made my way outside the building, I allowed great big sobs to consume my body as the skies opened up and snowflakes fell on my drenched face.
We dont always remember the days and times which change our lives. Little can prepare us for when presented with earth shattering news. January 23rd, 2017 will be the day that changed my life forever. A day which definitively divided my life into a before and after, January 23rd, 2017 was that day that cancer chose me.
I had got new glasses, new clothes from my recent trip to the US and after a really creative holiday season, road trip to visit friends and a lovely New Years break, I was on a roll.
I was supposed to get my biopsy results for thyroid nodules this cold January morning. Everyone assured me that it was a common occurrence, that 90% ( a staggeringly positive statistic) of thyroid nodules are benign and I woke up feeling confident that i'd get good news. After all, there was no history of cancer in my family. My blood work and indicators were normal. Yes sir, the odds were definitely in my favour.
3 days ago, we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. I saved the champagne bottle to open tonight, when I came home with good news from the doctor, the celebrations postposed for just 3 days.
We dropped Tia off to school and I remember standing there at the school gate, wondering if things will be the same the next day. I put the niggling nervousness out of mind and after I showered and prepared for my day, I reached for my favourite lucky blue dress. I put on the pearl earrings my best friend Mayuri gave me for my 25th birthday, one which I have worn for every job interview, every life event and every successful and joyous event of my life. Dad called to wish me good luck. Brother called to say the same. Husband insisted on accompanying me as we hailed a cab on this not-so-severe cold January day, as we went straight to the doctors office.
We had waited 6 weeks for the results to come. Each previous appointment was pushed further and further back 3 times and I just wanted to know what it was. They heralded me into the room and husband gave my hand a squeeze as we waiting for the doctor to come in.
She came in with a file, not making eye contact but looking straight into the file. I was expecting a cheery hello but as soon as I saw her face, my heart kind of froze. She minced no words. Time stood still, I felt myself floating, looking at the room from above. At 9.55am on January 23rd 2017, cancer chose me.
The band was tightening around my chest. I felt a deep flush rising from my torso and making its way up my neck to my face. My hands trembled and all comprehensive thought left my mind. All I kept hearing was that I have cancer. I was hyperventilating and that's when i started to shake, trembling as if to get the dreaded disease out of my body, to shake my head and not acknowledge this part that no one can ever prepare for.
I just wanted to run out of that place, I was furious at my doctor, angry at the tissues she handed me, livid at everyone who told me it was it was going to be ok. I was devastated that I believed them. How could I have believed everyone when they said I'd be ok? I have no recollection of what she said to me after that. I knew I was supposed to ask questions but I drew a blank. I tried my best to hold it together to sign the consent form for the surgery with trembling hands and blurry vision and only when I made my way outside the building, I allowed great big sobs to consume my body as the skies opened up and snowflakes fell on my drenched face.
We dont always remember the days and times which change our lives. Little can prepare us for when presented with earth shattering news. January 23rd, 2017 will be the day that changed my life forever. A day which definitively divided my life into a before and after, January 23rd, 2017 was that day that cancer chose me.
