Almost a year since i wrote. I never thought I'd have anything fun/interesting/deep to say..but thinking back, I realised I missed journaling my fun moments, the moments that made me pause and think, the times when a light bulb went off over my head or just the times when I wanted time to stop because my heart was breaking. Many changes are strewn along the year gone by. Most importantly was our decision to settle down in Canada. Yogi left last year...he resolve to live in a better country with better facilities and which valued work as work was unshakable. Its been 9 months now..9 months since a new life has taken shape is a far away distant cold land. Now, I prepare to follow suit with my precious four year old.
The change is terrifying me. I am leaping into the unknown. Leaving behind the place I love, the job I love and the people I love the most to give our future a chance to turn into something unknown. I am torn between wanting to hold on yet move forward... torn between wanting to be there more for Tia and yet terrified of never returning to my creative endeavours.
The finality of the decision to move away just sank in as I am preparing to withdraw Tia from the school she loves and friends she has just begun to make. I see such immense sadness in her grandfather's eyes as he knows that the days of their rough and tumble play are numbered. I sign in to my workplace these days with a heavy heart. No one knows of my decision to move as yet...but I am carrying this huge bundle of memories and sadness as I go about my daily duties. We have spent 9 months away as a family. The mother-father-child unit is now alien to Tia. She prepares to turn 4 in a few days and does not seem to miss her father too much. I am throwing her a grand party with lots of friends and fun..and I am moved to tears thinking that she will be separated from these friends soon never to return.
Yes she will make new friends, learn a new language and a way of life in her new home far away...but I will always always have this niggling doubt in the back of my head if what I did was indeed in her best interest.
I am excited too. The anticipation of being with my husband, the excitement of setting up a new home, and being a hands on mom after years of tip-toeing around the demanding schedule of working in TV..of cooking 3 meals for my own family and being able to feel pride in the little triumphs of the day.
Tia's 4th birthday will be a milestone our entire family will remember..it will be the year that our lives changed forever
The change is terrifying me. I am leaping into the unknown. Leaving behind the place I love, the job I love and the people I love the most to give our future a chance to turn into something unknown. I am torn between wanting to hold on yet move forward... torn between wanting to be there more for Tia and yet terrified of never returning to my creative endeavours.
The finality of the decision to move away just sank in as I am preparing to withdraw Tia from the school she loves and friends she has just begun to make. I see such immense sadness in her grandfather's eyes as he knows that the days of their rough and tumble play are numbered. I sign in to my workplace these days with a heavy heart. No one knows of my decision to move as yet...but I am carrying this huge bundle of memories and sadness as I go about my daily duties. We have spent 9 months away as a family. The mother-father-child unit is now alien to Tia. She prepares to turn 4 in a few days and does not seem to miss her father too much. I am throwing her a grand party with lots of friends and fun..and I am moved to tears thinking that she will be separated from these friends soon never to return.
Yes she will make new friends, learn a new language and a way of life in her new home far away...but I will always always have this niggling doubt in the back of my head if what I did was indeed in her best interest.
I am excited too. The anticipation of being with my husband, the excitement of setting up a new home, and being a hands on mom after years of tip-toeing around the demanding schedule of working in TV..of cooking 3 meals for my own family and being able to feel pride in the little triumphs of the day.
Tia's 4th birthday will be a milestone our entire family will remember..it will be the year that our lives changed forever
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