Will i ever be good enough or strong enough or THIN enough? I wonder. Why do i get so influenced by the way people feel about me? Why do i care? Why do I have to be the "Nice Girl" all the time and be politically correct when all i want to do is scream my lungs out?
I am constantly reminded that I'm fat. People automatically associate the direct link between body fat and laziness...ie FAT=LAZY. It does not matter that i work 12 hours a day. It does not matter that I have a young baby at home who keeps me on my toes...but FAT is BAD!!!!
For as long as I can remember, I have been "Chubby". The chubbiness which looked cute in infancy became a bit of a burden as i grew up. Mind you I was well proportioned and got my fair share of the "Eye" but lately after having a baby the pressure to lose the pregnancy weight is so great that it overshadows everything right i may be doing otherwise. Never mind that all night feedings leave you dry mouth and craving for sugar for an energy kick. Never mind that i have to rush off for the morning shift at work gulping the life giving elixir...COFFEE. By 3pm, upteen number of coffees later, i still feel fat. Opting to eat Yogurt for lunch does not boost either my metabolism or my spirits in any way...I crave carbs, i crave sugar....
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