fathers and daughters

What is this special relationship that fathers and daughters share? What is the bond, the unspoken yet unmistakable cosmic connection that binds them together? What is it that makes the mother feel like an outsider and at times, torn between tenderness and jealousy?
My daughter has made her preference for her daddy crystal clear. HE is the fun guy. He is the guy who lets her be a baby and encourages her to be as impish and naughty as she desires. She in turn loves the attention, loves the rough and tumble and loves being tossed in the air amidst squeals of utter delight. Come to think of it, I've been my daddy's girl too. It was his presence that I would always seek out no matter how much my MA tried to be there. It was him I would complain to when I was scolded. It was him I turned to financial advice and it was his approval I sought in all aspects of my life and in most of my decisions. My mother probably felt like I am doing now. Always there but never fun enough.
I took her presence, her love, her sacrifices and her approval for granted just as I feel my daughter doing the same with me. My baby is too young to know about what she is doing but life does have a funny way of coming FULL CIRCLE!
When I see father and daughter interacting, I feel like an outsider looking into their world. I am always hovering around trying to fill her stomach, quench her thirst, clean her grubby hands or cushion her fall. In my lap she sleeps at night but she runs to the door with outstretched arms when daddy walks into the door. Her face lights up and her 1000 watt smile dazzles me when she looks at her daddy adoringly.
Will she make silly cards for her daddy when she is in kindergarten? Will she seek him out when she lands at the airport? Will he be the first person she calls when she gets a raise? Will she call him incessantly if he is late coming home from work and will his presence calm her in times of crisis? Its a connection I cannot explain, its a connection I share with my father and i hope my daughter feels the same way. The love a mother and father give to the child is special as it is varied. It is intense yet different. A mother is considered special for all that she does for her but it is the father that bridges the gap and lends a helping hand in shaping who she is going to be...
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

the day after tomorrow

While watching the movie "The Day After Tomorrow", I remember Yogi whispering to me that this will happen in our lifetime. I scoffed at his comment then but lately it has got me thinking. May in Delhi is a scorcher. Temperatures can punish and the sun can be merciless with its heat, but the May of 2008 has been the wettest ever! 15 days of sqaulls, cloudy and intermittently rainy days had left me swooning and yet anxious of the things to come. We are 5 days into june and the rainy overcast days continue. The May and June that I knew of is yet to come. Is this the shape of things to come I wonder? Will it be cool in summer and dry and hot in the monsoons? Will Delhi see hailstorms or maybe even snow in the winter? Two years ago, Delhi hit almost zero degrees in January. Yogi and I were coming to office for our morning shift and we saw frost on the cars parked outside. The number of cars on the road seem to swell with each passing day threatening to burst at the seams and spew its pollutants onto the flimsy atmosphere above us. People jostle and gasp for breath at major intersections around the city. The cacophony of sound, the smells and the stress can be gagging.

Its world environment day today and i asked myself what i do to make it a better world? Where do i see my daughter playing? How will she know what the color of the sky is or dance in the puddles that the monsoons leave behind? How will she know the fragrance of the wet earth after the rain or fly a kite with wild abandon? I dont want her to grow up in an artificial environment surrounded by airconditioners and heaters.

In my mind somewhere i believed that climate change would not effect me in my lifetime but now its not my lifetime but my child's lifetime that i have to think about. Recycling, reusing, car pooling and conservation are somethings i'll have to incorporate in my everyday existance. Already we are faced with a fuel crisis. Delhi suffers from acute power and water shortages all year round. I am anxious and I am worried. Its not someone else's problem but a problem that I am living every day and passing onto my child. I step back and think.....Today is the day after yesterday and what I do today can determine the outcome of the DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

all made up

My love affair with make up began when i was about 11 years old. In a last ditch attempt for me to stop biting my nails, my mother promised to buy me a bottle of nail polish that I had set my heart on. She haggled and bargained with me and i agreed for the one bottle of nail polish. Overnight i stopped biting my nails and true to her word MA bought me that bottle of nail polish and pretty soon(after my chewed up nails had time to recover of course!) my nails gleamed with drops of molten copper shining their metallic light off my nails.
I was in LOVE! I felt so different!
Pretty soon I moved on to kajal, then to face powder and then...to LIPSTICK!! Now, being a pre- teen i was discouraged by my parents to put on make up, but as soon as I got home from school, i would tear into my mothers things and pile on the stuff like there was no tomorrow. I tried on mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and blushers. I laid them on thick thinking that the more-the merrier. I would prance around the house and hold imaginary conversations with mirror thrilled with my brand new look. Thus started my lifelong affair with make up of every kind. With make up I would feel different. I would feel confident, I could face the big bad world and hide my vulnerability and my insecurities under the sweet smelling stuff i put on my face. With makeup I am the career woman, I feel more in control and have the ability to deal with tough situations. When in a bad mood a new shade of lipstick does wonders to my self confidence. A spray of my fave perfume uplifts my sagging spirits at the end of the day and a swish of my signature black eyeliner lifts my eye after weeks of sleepless nights.
I am a sucker for all things cosmetics. I fall for all the advertising gimmicks in the book. When a new product is launched in the market i can hear it screaming out my name till I buy it and slather it all over my face. I have tried almost all of the age-defying-wrinkle-lifting-spot-corrective-sun screened-protective creams in the market. I buy products for the sheer thrill of possessing it. I like looking at it in my cabinet and even when the product is outrageously expensive i love to hold it in my hand and dab it on my face gingerly.
I love buying quads of eyeshadow and dual ending lipliners, because you never know when you might need to blend and create the "smoky" eye effect or dramatically line the lips! Most of the time when i buy the make up, I forget that i'm the mother of a toddler and getting ready to go out means throwing whatever is clean and pressed in the cupboard.

Some of the stuff that i bought in 2002 still lie unopened in my pile of things. I cant imagine why i bought the gold face highlighter then when my face is perpetually highlighted by the patina of sweat or that blue mascara which makes me look like the Wicked Witch of the West!

At the end of the day when I get home I take great pains to remove the makeup that i carefully applied in the morning. I use special cleansing foaming face washes and moisturising eye makeup removers. Primers, toners, serum, eye cream and night cream follow. Its a wonder that i don't slide off my pillow at night! I wake up expecting to radiate youth and glowing skin but the same old face grins back at me from the mirror, lines spots and wrinkles intact. .......Hmmm Maybe i should try the new AGE MIRACLE cream next...

growing up

All of a sudden i wondered what was wrong with me? Why was my foot not tapping to the new song playing on the radio,? Why did i roll up my eyes when i saw that girl walking by in leather pants..in MAY??? Why do i chose comfort over style or suddenly worry about heart disease??!!

Groan I thought to myself..I'm all grown up now! Hip hop does not thrill me, leather pants in MAY are so "ohmyGAWWDDDD!!!" worrying about heart disease and diabetes and the likes is topmost on my hypochondriac mind! When did this happen i thought to myself? Yesterday, i was browsing though the flea market and looking for a comfy thingy to wear around the house, but instead i was assaulted by piles and piles of thin stringy numbers that i would'nt even consider wearing in the privacy of my bathroom! I am of the old school, the bridge between the older generation and the hipper new models of the kids born in the nineties. I am straddling the time when the media and technology has taken over all aspects of our lives and distances are just a (mobile)phone call away. Its hard to accept that i'm growing up. From a twenty something i've become a thirty something and fast spiralling upwards. The first grey hair may have spelt maturity but so many grey hair later my maturity is seriouslybeing questioned!

I try hard to keep pace with the this and thats that are hip and young today. I try bthe lingo-walk the talk and sometimes even dress the part, but deep down i know i'm changing. I growing up and thinking differently. My priorities have changed and i think of issues like safety and environment...that will effect not only my future but my daughters future as well. Growing up is a bittersweet feeling. Its learning to accept who I am, its learing to love myself in spite of my flaws. Its learning to be responsible and caring. Its learning to be nurturing and yet letting go of the don't care attitude of my past. I can safely walk into a store and head for the WOMENS section now, I can read the EDITORIAL page of the newspaper instead of the gossip or the comic sections and I can handle my finances with ease. I can speak my mind and not worry about its long term impacts and most of all I can listen to Michael Buble' over P Diddy ..because I am all grown up now